1
We slept in what had once been the gymnasium. The floor was of varnished
wood, with stripes and circles painted on it, for the games that were
formerly played there; the hoops for the basketball nets were still in place,
though the nets were gone. A balcony ran around the room, for the
spectators, and I thought I could smell, faintly like an afterimage, the
pungent scent of sweat, shot through with the sweet taint of chewing gum
and perfume from the watching girls, felt-skirted as I knew from pictures,
later in miniskirts, then pants, then in one earring, spiky green-streaked hair.
Dances would have been held there; themusic lingered, a palimpsest of
unheard sound, style upon style, an undercurrent of drums, a forlorn wail,
garlands made of tissue-paper flowers, cardboard devils, a revolving ball of
mirrors, powdering the dancers with a snow of light.
There was old sex in the room and loneliness, and expectation, of
something without a shape or name. I remember that yearning, for
something that was always about to happen and was never the same as the
hands that were on us there and then, in the small of the back, or out back,
in the parking lot, or in the television room with the sound turned down and
only the pictures flickering over lifting flesh.
We yearned for the future. How did we learn it, that talent for insatiability?
It was in the air; and it was still in the air, an after-thought, as we tried to
sleep, in the army cots that had been set up in rows, with spaces between so
we could not talk. We had flannelette sheets, like children's, and army-issue
blankets, old ones that still said U.S. We folded our clothes neatly and laid
them on the stools at the ends of the beds. The lights were turned down but
not out. Aunt Sara and Aunt Elizabeth patrolled; they had electric cattle
prods slung on thongs from their leather belts.
No guns though, even they could not be trustedwith guns. Guns were for the
guards, specially picked from the Angels. The guards weren't allowed inside
the building except when called, and we weren't allowed out, except for our
walks, twice daily, two by two around the football field, which was
