atitanicmetalhand,onethatgraspsandgnawsattheground.Icontrolits
rockmeltingdigitsfromtheholsterseatatopthedrill,justwheretheelbow
jointwouldbe.There,myfingersfitintocontrolglovesthatmanipulatethe
manytentacle-likedrillssomeninetymetersbelowmyperch.Tobea
Helldiver,theysayyourfingersmustflickerfastastonguesoffire.Mine
flickerfaster.
Despitethevoicesinmyear,Iamaloneinthedeeptunnel.Myexistence
isvibration,theechoofmyownbreath,andheatsothickandnoxiousit
feelslikeI’mswaddledinaheavyquiltofhotpiss.
Anewriverofsweatbreaksthroughthescarletsweatbandtiedaround
myforeheadandslipsintomyeyes,burningthemtillthey’reasredasmy
rustyhair.Iusedtoreachandtrytowipethesweataway,onlytoscratch
futilelyatthefaceplateofmyfrysuit.Istillwantto.Evenafterthreeyears,
thetickleandstingofthesweatisarawmisery.
Thetunnelwallsaroundmyholsterseatarebathedasulfurousyellowby
acoronaoflights.ThereachofthelightfadesasIlookupthethinvertical
shaftI’vecarvedtoday.Above,precioushelium-3glimmerslikeliquid
silver,butI’mlookingattheshadows,lookingforthepitvipersthatcurl
throughthedarknessseekingthewarmthofmydrill.They’lleatintoyour
suittoo,bitethroughtheshellandthentrytoburrowintothewarmest
placetheyfind,usuallyyourbelly,sotheycanlaytheireggs.I’vebeen
bittenbefore.Stilldreamofthebeast—black,likeathicktendrilofoil.
Theycangetaswideasathighandlongasthreemen,butit’sthebabieswe
fear.Theydon’tknowhowtorationtheirpoison.Likeme,theirancestors
camefromEarth,thenMarsandthedeeptunnelschangedthem.
Itiseerieinthedeeptunnels.Lonely.Beyondtheroarofthedrill,Ihear
thevoicesofmyfriends,allolder.ButIcannotseethemahalfklickabove
meinthedarkness.Theydrillhighabove,nearthemouthofthetunnelthat
I’vecarved,descendingwithhooksandlinestodanglealongthesidesofthe
tunneltogetatthesmallveinsofhelium-3.Theyminewithmeter-long
drills,gobblingupthechaff.Theworkstillrequiresmaddexterityoffoot
andhand,butI’mtheearnerinthiscrew.IamtheHelldiver.Ittakesa
certainkind—andI’mtheyoungestanyonecanremember.
I’vebeenintheminesforthreeyears.Youstartatthirteen.Oldenough
toscrew,oldenoughtocrew.Atleastthat’swhatUncleNarolsaid.ExceptI
didn’tgetmarriedtillsixmonthsback,soIdon’tknowwhyhesaidit.
EodancesthroughmythoughtsasIpeerintomycontroldisplayandslip
theclawDrill’sfingersaroundafreshvein.Eo.Sometimesit’sdifficultto
thinkofherasanythingbutwhatweusedtocallheraschildren.